A therapist writes about trying to get through to one of her trickiest clients. (A chapter from Lori Gottlieb's Maybe You Should Talk to Someone.)
Is that all you shrinks care about?”
Here’s what I know about John so far: He’s 40 years old, married for 12 years, and has two daughters, ages ten and four, and a dog. He writes and produces popular television shows, and when I learn which ones, I’m not surprised; he’s won Emmys precisely because his characters are so brilliantly wicked and insensitive. He complains that his wife is depressed , his kids don’t respect him, his colleagues waste his time, and everyone demands too much of him.
My job is to help both of us understand what feelings he’s hiding from. He’s got fortresses and moats to keep me out, but I know that part of him is in the turret calling for help, hoping to be saved — from what, I don’t know yet. And I’ll apply my knowledge of diagnosis without getting lost in it to help John see that the way he acts in the world might be causing more problems for him than the so-called idiots around him are.
“Jesus Christ, I said no mayo! Look at this!” He opens up the sandwich to show me the mayonnaise, and with his free hand he reaches for his cell phone — presumably to call about his order — but I give him a look reminding him of the no-cell-phone policy. “Phew,” I say. “At least you’re giving me the benefit of getting to know me first. I appreciate that.” He begins fidgeting, uncomfortable with my attempt to engage. He’s so desperate to escape from this moment of human contact that he starts munching on his mayonnaise-y sandwich and looks away. But he’s not fighting me, and I’ll take it. I sense a microscopic opening.
"What if these people aren’t idiots but reasonably intelligent people who are just doing the best they can on a given day?”“And,” I add softly, thinking that as hard as he is on others, he’s probably triply hard on himself, “what if you are too?”
इंडिया ताज़ा खबर, इंडिया मुख्य बातें
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