MELINDA GATES INTERVIEW: Secrets to a strong marriage and the surprisingly simple answer to the world's toughest problem. By ajs
SEATTLE — Melinda Gates has had three careers. The Dallas native was a high-powered Microsoft executive, managing a team of over 1,000 people.
She says the key to a strong marriage is to have a balanced partnership, where each person splits the hours of"unpaid" work it takes to run a household — whether that's driving kids to school, doing the laundry or packing their lunches. The piece that surprised me a bit was how aggressive the culture was. I knew it'd be fast-paced, I knew it'd be competitive, but it was just quite aggressive. And I had seen some of that for sure in my undergraduate days. But the fact that it was pervasive and often surprised me a little bit.
Other young women who were in their early 30s who've talked to me say,"OK, I haven't had the most supportive boss in the environment I'm in. But if my colleagues and I get together — men and women — to give that person feedback, and if they're open and they hear it from multiples of us, then sometimes they'll start to change."
The best organizations are ones where people can show up as their full selves at home and at work, and that they don't have to hide parts of themselves. That doesn't mean if you're going through something emotional at home that you want to bring all of that to work: You do have to manage your own emotions.
Why Gates 'assumed' she was supposed to quit her job to take care of her kids, and how she shocked BillBill & Melinda Gates FoundationI don't know exactly where it came from. When I was growing up, a lot of the women in my neighborhood in Dallas, Texas, didn't work. I grew up in a very middle-income family, but most women didn't work.
But then my view changed over time when I felt like I had created the environment where I could give my kids privacy and let them grow up to be themselves. We had the values, we had people around us who were also imparting those same values that we had. Then I felt like,"OK, I do want to work, and I will be a working mom."
Melinda Gates has made 60 trips over 20 years to impoverished places to help understand needs of the people there.This idea of unpaid work is basically anything that you're doing that's not your leisure. You're doing it for your household or you're doing it for your family. In the US, it might be laundry. Other places, it's sometimes walking miles to a well to get water for your family.
So one night we stood up after dinner and people in the family started to melt away, like off they go upstairs. So hand on my hips, I'm like,"Nobody leaves the kitchen until I leave the kitchen!" Bill and the kids cherished those moments in the car. Listening to music together, the conversations over many years that they had — it's a side of him that they might not have seen otherwise. It would've been a missed opportunity.
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